Friday, 25 May 2012

Trevor.


I would like to tell my testimony of my route to coming to believe in God. Oh we’re, err, we’re rolling are we? Well I was pursuing a career, I was, err, doggedly pursuing a career and err, it wasn’t really  working out, and err, and err, at this point I took LSD, and err, unfortunately it lead me into a very, a very err, bad place, err, what’s known as a bad trip, but part of this bad trip, I actually err, had a vision, and I saw the words GOD it was written in white capital letters against a black background and err, I was err, it was accompanied by this severe, I can’t call it a pain but it was just err, a torturous  experience and my err, my feeling was that I was going to die, that I would not be able to withstand this, the pressure of this experience. Anyway I started having this, a feeling that I was moving towards of the letter O in the word GOD and as I was moving through it into the blackness it stopped as immediately as it started, getting worse and worse and I was believing that I couldn’t manage to cope with it anymore and then it stopped. From this point on, err I was, had err, a very great difficulty in keeping my life together, my head was spinning, I was probably, err, I was just sort of mad now, the drugs just sort of kick-started a madness for me, which I didn’t know, you know, if I was still having this bad trip on LSD or whether I was insane. Anyway. So everything was became very difficult and eventually I couldn’t manage to keep working anymore so I became homeless and err, at some point I started praying. I was coming to reconcile with the idea that I was finding God, but I was an atheist through and through and so, err, even though I’d seen this word God I wasn’t bringing it into myself that God existed. I was more and more encouraged by the idea that my life was being guided so I had this idea that there was this guiding force going on. Now you might assume that guiding force and God are the same thing but in my mind, and remember my mind was really collapsed in a fundamental state of disrepair at this point, I started believing that there was this force acting on my life and I had to, it was a question of I had to accept that really my life was going to be conducted along the paths that, err, this force was creating for me. I was going to ask where, what I should do at this point, I was homeless and I was on the south coast and I had two options, I could go right or left. Left would have been going to chase, err, an ex-girlfriend which would have been completely silly, it wouldn’t have worked at all, or right to Cornwall where my sister was living at the time. So I saw this woman down on the seafront, she was walking down the promenade, so I spoke to the force, I said look I’m going to go and ask this woman which way to go, so whatever word you put in her,  that’ll be the way to go. So off I go, I approached this woman who wasn’t at all, err, she was, err, she wasn’t surprised at all, she just accepted that I was coming to her and asking her the way, and she said yeah go that way, which was right, to Cornwall, to the west.